Lately thesedays

So...lately, thesedays, i often feel so small. Small like some dust no one cares about. So small that no one even bother just to smile or even nod to me. And i don't like it.

Lately thesedays, even when people don't talk to me, i try to be open to them. I talk to them first, i always prioritize them. But then again, i feel small, i feel sad, i cried alone in my room at night, they don't take me as someone that should be on their priorities. They don't need me when they're all i have. I never be someone who is important to them.

Lately thesedays, i question about my future, what i'm going to be when i am 25? Am i already married when i am 25? Or do i have a job? Am i happy when i am 25? Or maybe just as miserable as i am now? Do i still have any friends?

Lately thesedays, i like to question my self, what is wrong with me? Am i too fat and ugly to be friends with? Am i too fat and ugly to be someone you're proud of? What's so wrong about me? What is my fa…

Is it too late to~ set my new year resolution?

Hi guys? Do you miss me? I hope someone still reading this blog.. #noactually

So, it's 2017 now! Wohoo yip yip! Er..yeah. Actually i'm not that excited about new year and stuff, i can not remember since when. Probably because it's been too long since i really care about new year.

But, that doesn't mean that i don't want to set new year resolution for this year. I hope, i really hope that this year's going to be better than 2016. Cause, goodness, you don't want to know about how i was in 2016, it was the worst. It's not as bad as 2015 tho. 2015 and 2016 was the worst year of my college life (which is just 4 years, hehe). I didn't study well, and just playing around, didn't pay attention to the class, and didn't do my best on the exam. And the result turned out just the way i pictured it. It was REDH.

Okay, enough talking about the past and let's just get to the resolutions.

My 2017 resolutions:
I hope my resolution does come tr…

Little Information

Hi guys, it's been a long time since i post in this blog.. It feels so awkward right now.

I don't know why, i just can't write anything in this blog, it doesn't feel as comfortable as it usually did. I even don't want to read my lastest post because i'm too ashamed of it :(

FYI, i currently publish some posts on my other blog, It's humiliating too for me, but if you want to read it, just go there. Hehe.

I haven't come to the decision yet, either to write on this blog or other blog, but if i do make a decision, i'm going to tell you soon. (kayak masih ada yang baca ini aja yon) But one thing i know is that i'm for sure going to start writing some post again, i just don't know where yet.
Bye bye for now :*


Hello, guys. How are you? Long time no see banget eh?

So...actually, i wanted to post so much things, wanted to write things that i feel. Just like the old days, i was carelessly post everything that i feel. It was so...relaxing. And it didn't make me stress. Unlike now, i like to hold back (?) my feelings and keep it for my self. I just swallow my pain, pretending i'm okay, crying alone, smile like i don't feel anything. That what i supposed to do right? I thought so. I never tell other people, not even my bestfriend (without s), cause i just think...that she won't understand. But i just realized something. The hatred is all in my chest. I feel so....both sad and angry. And i think none of this is fair. (you guys don't know the story yet) i decide to do it again. I'm gonna post whatever i want to post. No one is gonna read this blog anyway right?

How do i begin this....

Don't you guys agree that collage just makes you more lazy than when you were …


excuse me for my awful grammar.

it ended. just ended...about an hour ago. gue takut gue jadi mulai nulis post-post memalukan kayak pas SMA dulu. wkwk.

it ended........15 jam sebelum UAS kimia fisik, dalam keadaan gue yang lagi flu batuk pusing dan belum makan dari siang. Wah.....keren ya. Terus kepala gue udah berat bgt sekarang, kayaknya isinya ingus semua deh. perut keroncongan tapi gak ada niat beli makan. tadi sih niatnya beli makan malem bareng. ha.

kali ini udah completely sadar yang salah gue. (walaupun masih.. "tapi kan dia blablabla") deep down gue setuju kalau emang gue yang salah disini. gak bisa ngertiin dan gak bisa nerima apa adanya. entah kenapa selalu sakit hati sendiri.

mungkin gue juga hanya memandang dari kacamata sendiri, dan gak memperdulikan pandangan dia. jalan pikir dia aja gue gak ngerti, gimana mau liat dari kacamata dia ya. wk.

semoga gak nyesel. semoga (gue gak minta) balikan lagi. semoga semua berubah jadi lebih baik. semoga semua baik-baik aja. …