Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Is it too late to~ set my new year resolution?

Hi guys? Do you miss me? I hope someone still reading this blog.. #noactually

So, it's 2017 now! Wohoo yip yip! Er..yeah. Actually i'm not that excited about new year and stuff since...hm, i can not remember since when. Probably because it's been too long since i really care about new year.

But, that doesn't mean that i don't want to set new year resolution for this year. I hope, i really hope that this year's going to be better than 2016. Cause, goodness, you don't want to know about how i was in 2016, it was the worst. It's not as bad as 2015 tho. 2015 and 2016 was the worst year of my college life (which is just 4 years, hehe). I didn't study well, and just playing around, didn't pay attention to the class, and didn't do my best on the exam. And the result turned out just the way i pictured it. It was REDH.

Okay, enough talking about the past and let's just get to the resolutions.

My 2017 resolutions:
I hope my resolution does come true and isn't just a post in my blog. Aamiin.
   0. Firstly, i want to be a good muslimah this year. That doesn't skip sholat and always do dzikr.
   1. Since i'm not at my best attitude towards my parents last year, i want to be a better daughter to them this year. I'm going to go home once a week every week. And treat them nicely.
   2. I want to study another languange after my english course at LBI finished. Eventhough, my english now is still not that good and lack of vocabulary, i think it's enough. And becase i'm getting bored of it lately. Huhu. Right now i'm studying Korean (by myself, otodidak meeeen) and after i finished GE 10 at LBI i'm gonna learn Arabic. Hopefully.
   3. I will not escape class more than 2 for each class. And i will do the homework with all my heart and sweat. (I can not guarantee about this tho) And a week before the exam week, i'm going to study about the subjects a little bit, so i'm not gonna be a SKS student anymore! (i'm not sure about this either) And lastly, i won't be a procrastinator anymore!! PLEASE ANYONE WHO READ THIS (if there is) SAY AAMIIN! Shortly, i want to do well on campus this semester.
   4. LOSE SOME WEIGHT. Oh God please.......you don't need explaination right? Since i don't have any plans after finishing my college, i just plan to get married after college, i have to lose some weight, maintain my skin for my future husband right? huhuhu
   5. Better at organizing my money..... So i can help my parents pay the tuition for short semester (where i'm going to take to the maximum 12 sks, and it was 350k per sks TT) and i want to by at least one clothing per week.
   6. I want to go back to how i was when i entered college. The cheerful Oyon that is open to everyone although she is wearing long niqab (NOT A MUKENA YA). My hijab is getting shorter and shorter this following year and i hope i can go back to how i was. I want to dress muslimah-ly again.
   7. This is the saddest decision i've ever make. Prepare for a long flashback.
Personally, i'm an active person that love my freedom and good expressing my feeling. In 2014, i joined Theatrist (i think it's for Theatre for Art Scientist, nak mipa gitoh) and starting to dance at Clance (The dance community at my department, Chemistry Dance, maybe? maybe not. i hope not) Then, i found out that i have a talent to do theatre and to do modern dance. I even got a nickname, "Dancer Syariah" back then. I really love to do theatre and dance, because i'm good at it (i hope so). I must mention it again ,i really love it! I really enjoy myself when i do it. I said, i'll never quit from this club until i finish college. In my campus, every even semester, there is a competition, and it's theatre and dance competition. Because i'm doing both of it, i get really tired. And skipped classes. For a week or two, i even didn't come to class at all. I just go to campus for practicing dance and theatre at maghrib-night/maybe midnight. I often go out from my rented room at 4 pm and go back at 5 am. And sleep until 1 pm. I literally didn't go to class at all. My score went down drastically, and people is saying negative things about me being a modern dancer with hijab.

I don't really care (actually i care, but just a bit) what people say about me being a dancer. What i care, is about my parents. I can really see in their eyes when i told them about my score. Oh! I haven't tell you yet, that all those years, my parent don't know about me dancing and theatring because they don't allow me to do it. I suppose to wear long niqab you know, not a thin paris and skinny pants :( I joined theatrist and clance without their permission.

So...after long explaination, my resolution is this year, i'm going to quit both theatre and clance. (if i can't, at least i'll quit dancing, that's for sure) Because the fact is, both of it are bad for me. Dancing is bad because it makes me show my body. And theatre is bad because it makes me skip classes just for sleep because my sleep hours is for practicing the performance.
   8. I want to find my style this year! Because i'm quitting clance and maybe theatre, i shold wear skirt often, i can make "my own style" i wish. He..he..he (awkwardly laughing)
   9. Become a better friend. For everyone who is (or was) close to me. I'm sorry, (if you're reading this and feel that i'm changing too much. please chat me, kay?)
   10. I want to decorate my room. So i can study comfortably.
   11. I want to write more in this blog, and become a blogger. I want to rearrange everythig so that my blog will look fancy and neat and cheerful, and open-minded, and  just by looking at it describes who i really am.

That's it, my loooong resolution. I hope i can accomplish it this year! Happy new year everyone!

P.S I decided to write on this blog again, not at anotherinaers.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Little Information

Hi guys, it's been a long time since i post in this blog.. It feels so awkward right now.

I don't know why, i just can't write anything in this blog, it doesn't feel as comfortable as it usually did. I even don't want to read my lastest post because i'm too ashamed of it :(

FYI, i currently publish some posts on my other blog, anotherinaers.blogspot.com It's humiliating too for me, but if you want to read it, just go there. Hehe.

I haven't come to the decision yet, either to write on this blog or other blog, but if i do make a decision, i'm going to tell you soon. (kayak masih ada yang baca ini aja yon) But one thing i know is that i'm for sure going to start writing some post again, i just don't know where yet.
Bye bye for now :*

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Thoughts........

Hello, guys. How are you? Long time no see banget eh?

So...actually, i wanted to post so much things, wanted to write things that i feel. Just like the old days, i was carelessly post everything that i feel. It was so...relaxing. And it didn't make me stress. Unlike now, i like to hold back (?) my feelings and keep it for my self. I just swallow my pain, pretending i'm okay, crying alone, smile like i don't feel anything. That what i supposed to do right? I thought so. I never tell other people, not even my bestfriend (without s), cause i just think...that she won't understand. But i just realized something. The hatred is all in my chest. I feel so....both sad and angry. And i think none of this is fair. (you guys don't know the story yet)

Yep...so i decide to do it again. I'm gonna post whatever i want to post. No one is gonna read this blog anyway right?

How do i begin this....

Don't you guys agree that collage just makes you more lazy than when you were in high school? For me it's a yes. I mean, my grade is just keep dropping (?) idk what to call it. It was just, booooooom. It's just so awful. The worst score you can think, that is my score. Pokoknya, kuliah ini, gue bego sebego-bego nya lo bisa bayangin seorang Rina, bego. Bego banget kayak sampah. :(

Udah ah. :(

Thursday, August 13, 2015

End-ed

excuse me for my awful grammar.

it ended. just ended...about an hour ago. gue takut gue jadi mulai nulis post-post memalukan kayak pas SMA dulu. wkwk.

it ended........15 jam sebelum UAS kimia fisik, dalam keadaan gue yang lagi flu batuk pusing dan belum makan dari siang. Wah.....keren ya. Terus kepala gue udah berat bgt sekarang, kayaknya isinya ingus semua deh. perut keroncongan tapi gak ada niat beli makan. tadi sih niatnya beli makan malem bareng. ha.

kali ini udah completely sadar yang salah gue. (walaupun masih.. "tapi kan dia blablabla") deep down gue setuju kalau emang gue yang salah disini. gak bisa ngertiin dan gak bisa nerima apa adanya. entah kenapa selalu sakit hati sendiri.

mungkin gue juga hanya memandang dari kacamata sendiri, dan gak memperdulikan pandangan dia. jalan pikir dia aja gue gak ngerti, gimana mau liat dari kacamata dia ya. wk.

semoga gak nyesel. semoga (gue gak minta) balikan lagi. semoga semua berubah jadi lebih baik. semoga semua baik-baik aja. semoga di rencana masa depan gue muka dia bisa diganti jadi unknown aja.

padahal kita udah sharing segalanya ya? kita udah ngerancang mimpi bareng ya? :) our love is forever but our forever's not lasts forever

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

a l o n e

Hello. Rasanya awkward banget udah gakpernah nulis post lagi. Hmmmmm

Blog. Dari SMA curhat semuanya kesini, karena....mau kemana lagi? Keluarga? Kalau curhat ke mama/papa, bisa dipecat jadi anak gue. Ke kakak? Sama aja boong. -_- Curhat ke temen? Kalau sekarang.........rasanya gak punya temen. Bukan rasanya deng, emang gak punya. Masalah terbesar gue dikuliah: gakpunya temen. Pacar? Ada sih. Tapi, ah dia mah gak usah diharepin. Bikin makin sedih aja.

Intinya, gue lagi ada di titik ter-lonely ever ever dah. Mungkin kalau orang lain liat dari luar, keliatannya emang enggak. Tapi kalau ada yang bisa lihat through my heart (caelah), gue ngerasa sendirian banget. Setiap abis sholat, berduaan sama Allah nangis-nangisan lama banget. Gak tau, setiap ngangkat tangan mau berdoa, selalu aja air mata jatoh, padahal belum ngomong apa-apa.

Hm.

Apakah karena satu kesalahan, semua orang bakal mencap lu seperti itu selamanya? Gue mungkin okay di cap. Karena itu emang udah konsekuensi dari kesalahan gue. Tapi, yang gue gak tahan, diomonginnya, dijauhinnya, disindirnya, mata orang-orang yang ngeliat lu, enek. Mana sih yang namanya temen? Temen beneran aja susah dicari gimana sahabat? Hhh.

Btw, ini blog gak ada lagi kan yang baca? -_-