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:)

Well, hi. How are you guys? Whoever are you, thank you for reading this :)

Honestly, i thought i'm the kind of person who's open to anyone, and...does not have any difficulties to express my feelings. But i was wrong, i just realize it now. I tend to keep it to myself. Eventhough i can't really hide the sad look on my face, i tend to just keep it quiet, hoping that all of this just goes away with time. Turns out, it just builds itself. Now, it is already a mountain. I don't even know what is it... it's just a huge sadness, dissappoinment, worthlessness (if it even a word).

Every end of the day, i hurried back home, just because my heart ache. How can i say it...well, i don't know. It just hurts, but it's not a scar nor somekind of disease. It is so painful, i had to hit my chest just to distract the pain. Everynight before i sleep, i cry my self out, and only then i feel relieved. But, now it become a daily thing, that i have to do everyday. I just feel so …

Lately thesedays

So...lately, thesedays, i often feel so small. Small like some dust no one cares about. So small that no one even bother just to smile or even nod to me. And i don't like it.

Lately thesedays, even when people don't talk to me, i try to be open to them. I talk to them first, i always prioritize them. But then again, i feel small, i feel sad, i cried alone in my room at night, they don't take me as someone that should be on their priorities. They don't need me when they're all i have. I never be someone who is important to them.

Lately thesedays, i question about my future, what i'm going to be when i am 25? Am i already married when i am 25? Or do i have a job? Am i happy when i am 25? Or maybe just as miserable as i am now? Do i still have any friends?

Lately thesedays, i like to question my self, what is wrong with me? Am i too fat and ugly to be friends with? Am i too fat and ugly to be someone you're proud of? What's so wrong about me? What is my fa…

Is it too late to~ set my new year resolution?

Hi guys? Do you miss me? I hope someone still reading this blog.. #noactually

So, it's 2017 now! Wohoo yip yip! Er..yeah. Actually i'm not that excited about new year and stuff since...hm, i can not remember since when. Probably because it's been too long since i really care about new year.

But, that doesn't mean that i don't want to set new year resolution for this year. I hope, i really hope that this year's going to be better than 2016. Cause, goodness, you don't want to know about how i was in 2016, it was the worst. It's not as bad as 2015 tho. 2015 and 2016 was the worst year of my college life (which is just 4 years, hehe). I didn't study well, and just playing around, didn't pay attention to the class, and didn't do my best on the exam. And the result turned out just the way i pictured it. It was REDH.

Okay, enough talking about the past and let's just get to the resolutions.

My 2017 resolutions:
I hope my resolution does come tr…

Little Information

Hi guys, it's been a long time since i post in this blog.. It feels so awkward right now.

I don't know why, i just can't write anything in this blog, it doesn't feel as comfortable as it usually did. I even don't want to read my lastest post because i'm too ashamed of it :(

FYI, i currently publish some posts on my other blog, anotherinaers.blogspot.com It's humiliating too for me, but if you want to read it, just go there. Hehe.

I haven't come to the decision yet, either to write on this blog or other blog, but if i do make a decision, i'm going to tell you soon. (kayak masih ada yang baca ini aja yon) But one thing i know is that i'm for sure going to start writing some post again, i just don't know where yet.
Bye bye for now :*

Thoughts........

Hello, guys. How are you? Long time no see banget eh?

So...actually, i wanted to post so much things, wanted to write things that i feel. Just like the old days, i was carelessly post everything that i feel. It was so...relaxing. And it didn't make me stress. Unlike now, i like to hold back (?) my feelings and keep it for my self. I just swallow my pain, pretending i'm okay, crying alone, smile like i don't feel anything. That what i supposed to do right? I thought so. I never tell other people, not even my bestfriend (without s), cause i just think...that she won't understand. But i just realized something. The hatred is all in my chest. I feel so....both sad and angry. And i think none of this is fair. (you guys don't know the story yet)

Yep...so i decide to do it again. I'm gonna post whatever i want to post. No one is gonna read this blog anyway right?

How do i begin this....

Don't you guys agree that collage just makes you more lazy than when you were …